The other day I sat outside enjoying the spring sun while listening to a good audiobook written and read by a Swedish man named Björn Natthiko Lindeblad. The book is about his life as a monk, the before and after, all the wisdom he learned along the way and how that helped him cope with his terminal disease (ALS), depression and other struggles of life. In the book he shares many insightful thoughts and eye-openers, amongst them a story about a Chinese farmer. I’ve heard the story several times before and I really like its message. To not always assess things in life as good or bad, or in this case good luck or bad luck. The story goes something like this:
Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “Maybe.” The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “Maybe.”
The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “Maybe.” The next day the conscription officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “Maybe.”
Sometimes when I think about my life I can think “wow, that incident really sucked, but had it not happened I would’ve never got to experience and learn what I did.” For example:
I really enjoyed my first job in New Zealand and even though I didn’t have the right to work as a registered physiotherapist I was still able to work with physios and physiotherapy. When my work contract was up and the hospital wasn’t able to extend it, I was sad to leave, but had I kept working there I would’ve missed out on an amazing roadtrip during the best time of year (weatherwise), spending Christmas with parts of my Australian second family, reuniting with a dear friend from Canada spending two weeks on the South Island together to later on continuing to the North Island with the company of one of my very best friends.
After a while it was time to start looking for another job, this time a bit more pressured due to my visa expiring in only about three months. I was relieved when I managed to get a job that also were willing to sponsor me for a work visa. It was a job in healthcare where I would get placed in different care homes as needed, including on call shifts. My boss agreed I wouldn’t have to do weekends which I was happy about. It was no dream job, but since my time was running out it seemed to be my best bet if I wanted to stay in the country. So I started the process of paperwork and health checks in order to get my visa application done in time. As time went by I started realizing that I wasn’t getting the amount of hours I was promised, which led to stress about my economy, meanwhile the uncertainty of not knowing where or when I was working, all made me question if this was all worth it. To have a job that drained my energy and caused me that much stress just to stay in the country. So I decided to go home when my first visa expired. It was a tough decision, but I thought about how a year of work experience as a physio at home would allow me to go back and work as a registered physio in New Zealand. A job that I would enjoy while having a better work life balance. So I went home and while I couldn’t wait to see family and friends from home again I couldn’t help feeling the pain inside of me having to leave New Zealand.
Back at home I felt as though I slipped on a banana peel right into a job at the local hospital. Finally I was able to work as a real physiotherapist. I was almost as excited as I was terrified. Terrified of not being enough. I hoped to gain a year of work experience in order to return to New Zealand, but about six months later Corona came and ruined the plan. Despite the circumstances I was happy to be close to family when restrictions became stricter. One year and several renewed work contracts later, myself and a few other physiotherapy colleagues had to leave the hospital due to Corona related budget cuts. Initially I panicked and suffered from catastrophic thoughts. “Who would want to hire anyone during a pandemic and especially not me.” Followed by a number of reasons why I’m not good enough and why I thought everyone else was better than me. For some weird reason I managed to get two job offers as a physiotherapist. One full time and one part time. After much consideration I chose to trust my gut and go with the part time job, because I knew that I would enjoy the work environment and the work tasks more.
Except the economy part related to a part time salary I also worried a lot about having too much time to myself. Too much silence, loneliness and the feelings of anxiety and despair that come with it. But it turned out that losing my full time job and starting a part time job would do so much good for my mental health and personal development. Never have I had so much time to work on myself. The extra days off were quickly filled with social interactions and meaningful conversations, work outs and more time spent outside during daylight, more time for resting and recharging, more time for new knowledge, insights and reflection. The extra time gave me more space to grow and the ability to take a big leap towards finding myself and the meaning with my life. I’m not there yet, but I know that I’m on the right path.
Life doesn’t always go the way we planned. We fail, get hurt and dreams get crushed. In that moment it can be very hard to see the silver lining. Please don’t take this the wrong way, to grieve is an important part of the process, but what I mean is to not stay and dwell on it for eternity. Zoom out and gain a broader perspective. Hardship offer lessons to be learned. Things that feel overwhelming right now may lead to better things in the future, things that you would’ve never gained the insight of unless you went through that hardship. If I hadn’t chosen to leave New Zealand due to the circumstances and corona hadn’t happened, I probably wouldn’t have stopped for long enough to deal with my mental health properly. And probably never realized that the dream I’ve pushed aside for so long, believing it will never come true, now actually is a possibility, something I can work hard for making it a reality. Have faith that everything is going to be okay eventually. Until now you’ve made it through 100% of your hardships in life. Practice to find the lessons to be learned and feel grateful for the new insights you gain from them.
[The photo was taken in Vang Vieng in Laos on my way home from New Zealand]