Last week we had booked a duo to come and play some live music for the seniors at work and one lady requested a song that she really likes. The duo accepts her request and sings a Swedish song that would translate to something like “If you forget I shall always remember”. The lady has dementia and her husband is no longer alive. After they finished the song I notice that she’s got tears in her eyes and she’s just so happy and grateful for the song that she walks up to them and gives them both a hug. I can only imagine the memories that’s connected to that song, but in my made up version it’s her husband singing it to her “if you forget I shall always remember” how deeply he loves her even though the dementia has started to erase the memories they’ve created together. So there I sit and can’t help comparing it to the movie “The Notebook” as I hope that nobody notices when I wipe the tears from my eyes.
Ever since I was little I’ve been a sensitive person who reflects a lot. I still remember how I as a 4-year old was so moved by a song on my aunt’s wedding. There was this young girl who performed a Swedish song about a teddy bear called Fredriksson and afterwards I couldn’t stop thinking about this poor teddy bear that was forgotten and separated from his best friend. This led to one of those long bedtime conversations with my mum. Today I’m so grateful that I had (and still have) such a mum. One that doesn’t diminish those feelings even though they might be considered “excessive” by many. One that makes you feel okay even though you feel so wrong.
It was during a conversation with my Wellington roommate that the concept “highly sensitive person” first came up. I had probably opened up about something and after we’d been getting to know each other more and more she pointed out that I probably have this personality trait. We then did a test on me (hsperson.com) where I could really identify with the majority of the statements. After that I didn’t really think too much about it until about a year later when I was back in Finland. This time during a conversation with my sister, she said something like “that probably has something to do with your highly sensitive personality” and then she told me to listen to this podcast “högkänslighetspodden” (sorry it’s in Swedish). I’ve now listened to all of the episodes and what a wonderful feeling to just have all of your thoughts and feelings explained to you! And also being able to learn more about how I work as a person and how to handle everything. So if you happen to understand Swedish and are a HSP I can’t recommend it enough.
15-20% of the population are highly sensitive and 70% of those are introverts while 30% are extroverts. I’m a highly sensitive extrovert. Maybe not so weird having felt so wrong when there are so few of us. Of course it’s not all black and white, you can be more or less sensitive, think of it as a HSP-scale. What designates a highly sensitive person can be described in the acronym DOES. Where the “D” stands for depth of processing information. We thoroughly think through things happening and all possible outcomes/alternatives. We also have a good intuition, that feeling of “just knowing” without knowing how. I tend to hear quite often that I “overthink/overanalyze” or I just surprisingly know because I had a feeling. The “O” stands for overstimulation, which tends to happen quite easily when there is too much stimuli and new impressions that all (often unconsciously) are being processed thoroughly. I notice this myself when I’ve got too many things going on or if I for example have too much new stuff going on at work. The definition of “too much” varies greatly between a high sensitive person and one who isn’t. “E” stands for emotional reactivity, in other words HSP’s are very empathetic and can really put themself in someone else’s shoes because they actually feel others emotions. There has been research showing that so called mirror neurons are more active in highly sensitive people. We also react stronger to both positive and negative events, which makes us remember them better – for better or worse. I find it when I’m happy I’m feeling euphoric, but the opposite is just not that nice. The “S” stands for sensing the subtle, those small things that others don’t notice as much like the atmosphere in a room, non-verbal cues or the fact that someone is quietly concerned about something.
As a highly sensitive person it’s easy to feel wrong and inadequate when you “can’t handle as much as the others”, “always overanalyze” and are ”so oversensitive”, but from an evolutionary perspective human kind would’ve never survived if this personality trait didn’t exist. The group needed someone extra sensitive to stimuli who would spot danger on time, find the best spots to live and notice if someone was sick. My advice to you highly sensitive person, is to learn more about this part of you so that you better understand what you need to feel good, but also to realize all the positive aspects it involves and how that can enrich your life. Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t so sensitive, but I’ve learnt how to cope with overstimulation and to accept that I am who I am and even enjoy it. Life’s got some deep valleys, but also some high mountains and it’s the view from those mountains that make life as a highly sensitive person so fantastic!
This post is only scratching the surface on this topic, but I hope that it raises a bit of awareness both for the ones who can identify, but also the ones that didn’t have a clue that this personality trait exists. If you want to learn more I can highly recommend the podcast (if you understand Swedish): Högkänslighetspodden, the website: hsperson.com and the book “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine Aron.
[The photo is from a camping-trip to Bribie Island, Australia in 2018]